“The people of Toronto have spoken and they want pepperoni!”

  Five city councillors who are on the transit board have signed a petition to hold a special meeting on Tuesday where it is believed they will discuss firing TTC chief Gary Webster.  Since they form the majority of the nine member board it shouldn’t be a problem for them to put forward their agenda.  However, some cracks have already appeared in the relationship between Mayor Ford and Councillor Norm Kelly, one of the councillors who signed the petition.

  Mr. Kelly has requested that the food served at the meeting include a vegetarian option.  The news of this betrayal struck Mayor Ford very hard.  “I feel like I’ve been blindsided” said the mayor.  “He stabbed me in the back!”

  Ever since Mayor Ford was elected all of his meetings have included lunch from Pizza Hut, and the pizzas always had pepperoni on them.  “It’s what the taxpayers want” claims Mr. Ford.  “They knew when they voted me in that I would fight for pepperoni on pizza and I’m amazed that Mr. Kelly and Pizza Hut, who have agreed to provide this poor excuse for a pizza, would disrespect the hardworking people of Toronto this way.”

  Mr. Ford’s allies were quick to provide support for the mayor.  Nick Kouvalis, Ford’s former chief-of-staff tweeted about Norm Kelly – “Is this guy for real?  Get with the program or retire already.”  The mayor’s brother was even more blunt, telling the Globe and Mail that  “Pizza Hut needs a complete enema!”  Councillor Cesar Palacio claimed that this move might cost Mr. Kelly his position as Parks and Environment Chair.

  When asked what he thought about Cesar Palacio, Mr. Ford replied “It’s a nice place.  I stayed there last time I was in Vegas.”  When reporters pointed out that he was thinking of Caesars Palace, Mr. Ford refused to answer any more questions.  “What happens at City Hall stays at City Hall” explained his brother.

  In response to all of this, Mr. Kelly insisted that he was just trying to help the Ford brothers with their Cut-The-Waist Challenge and didn’t mean to cause so many problems.  He added that it might also be a good idea to replace the Coke usually served at the meetings with a selection of juice and water.  After hearing this latest suggestion, Councillor Doug Ford told reporters “Well, now he’s just asking to get fired.”

Just in case it’s not obvious, I’d like to point out that this article and all articles on this site are intended as satire.  All articles are fiction and fake news.