“Don’t tell me it doesn’t make sense.  I’m Rob F*cking Ford!”

  When presenting his proposed budget for 2012 this week Mayor Ford insisted that it’s got something for everyone.  “We’ve got higher taxes for the Liberals out there and less services for the Conservatives.  I can’t see what people are complaining about.”  He scoffed at the idea that he’d taken the worst of both worlds and built a budget around it.  “I’m calling it a ConservaLib budget” he said, although he admitted that it was Councillor Mammoliti who came up with the name.

  The mayor bragged that the city would be spending less money in 2012 than it did in 2011 but warned that service cuts don’t come free of charge.  “Look, it costs money to close pools and libraries.  We want to make all the service cuts that we can but people have to understand that spending less money will lead to higher taxes.”

  Security had to remove a number of protestors who were heckling Ford during a budget meeting earlier this week.  Most of them said they were there to protest the service cuts but a couple admitted that they were there to protest the tax hike.  “Don’t get me wrong” said one protestor who identified himself as a Conservative, “I’m all for the service cuts.  I’m just not sure I can afford it.”

  Eventually the Conservative and Liberal protestors got organized and are now asking Mr. Ford to rework the budget into what they’re calling a ‘LiberaCon’ budget.  “It’s no service cuts with no tax hike” explained one man.  ”Kind of like what he promised to do.”

  Even the Toronto Sun seemed to struggle with explaining the budget to their readers but they’ve now hired Adrienne Batra, Rob Ford’s press secretary, to be the editor of their paper’s comment page.  “We feel certain that Ms. Batra will be able to answer any questions that our readers have about the budget” said a Toronto Sun executive.  “As a matter of fact, we’ve got a few of our own.”

Just in case it’s not obvious, I’d like to point out that this article and all articles on this site are intended as satire.  All articles are fiction and fake news.