“I just cut off 10% of the puppy.  How was I to know it couldn’t survive?!”

  Mayor Rob Ford shocked many people on Monday when he killed a puppy during a meeting at City Hall.  While some city councillors were quick to criticize the mayor for his actions, Mammoliti jumped to his defence.  ”Look, I know that the people of Toronto love puppies, but the fact is we can’t afford to support every puppy in this city.  Cuts have to be made everywhere and not all of the animals are going to survive.  If you’re looking for someone to blame for the dog’s death, blame David Miller.”

  When asked about the ‘War on Ford‘, Mr. Mammoliti got visibly upset.  ”Look, the bottom line is he’s doing what needs to be done.  He approved raises for police officers, which was long overdue.  Then he stood up to Chief Blair when he insisted the police budget be cut by 10%.  That took a lot of guts!  Then he shrewdly gave in and gave the police more money for next year.  Some might call that ‘contradictory’ or ‘bizarre’.  I call it brilliant!  He’s done a great job.  He’s Rob F*cking Ford!”

  While some people have raised concerns that the mayor might be ‘losing it’ at least a couple of councillors suspect that Mr. Ford is just testing the loyalty of his supporters.  ”While some people like to demonize the mayor needlessly, others will back him up no matter what he does” said Councillor Stintz.  ”He was thrilled when people jumped to his defence after he called 911 to report a comedian.  I think he’s wondering exactly how far he can go before he loses support.  He has more deluded supporters than the Maple Leafs.”

  Whatever reasons he has it certainly seems that the mayor has been pushing the limits of good taste recently.  Late in October he showed up to a council meeting in blackface. Supporters insisted that it was just a poorly thought out Halloween costume.  ”He was dressed up as Jay-Z” said Mammoliti.  ”He’s a huge Jay-Z fan.  His brother Doug came as a pregnant Beyonce.  It was hilarious.”  Another concern is that it looks like the mayor is now trying to grow a Hitler moustache but Mammoliti was quick to dismiss that as well.  ”He’s participating in Movember” he told reporters.  ”His moustache just seems to grow that way naturally.”

Just in case it’s not obvious, I’d like to point out that this article and all articles on this site are intended as satire.  All articles are fiction and fake news.