“What do you mean they’re responding to a triple homicide?  I’m Rob f***ing Ford!”

  Soon after Toronto City Council voted to ban the sale of shark fin soup on Tuesday, something only the mayor and a few other councillors voted against, a 911 call was made by Rob Ford.  In an effort to prevent the mayor from abusing the emergency service in future, Toronto police have released a transcript of the call.

-  9-1-1 Transcript  -

911 Operator:  ”This is 9-1-1.  What’s your emergency?”

Mayor Ford:  ”Thank God!  I just lost a vote.”

Operator:  ”I’m sorry?  You lost a vote, sir?”

MF:  ”You can call me Rob.”

O:  *audible sigh*  ”Is this Mayor Ford?”

MF:  ”Yes!  Is this Janice?”

O:  ”Yes.  Mr. Ford, is-”

MF:  ”Hi Janice!”

O:  ”Hello, Mr. Ford.  Is the CBC harassing you again?”

MF:  ”Uh, no…”

O:  ”Is someone painting graffiti?”

MF:  ”No no no… It’s much worse.”

O:  ”Is it a medical emergency?  Is someone unconscious?”

MF:  ”Uh… well, Holyday hasn’t moved in a while, but I think he’s just sleeping.”

O:  ”Mr. Ford, we don’t seem to be getting through to you.  Is there someone else there I can talk to?”

MF:  ”Um… do you want to talk to Mammoliti?”

O:  ”Lord, no…”

Mammoliti:  ”Hello?”

O:  ”Hello.  Who am I speaking to?”

M:  ”It’s Giorgio.”

O:  ”Hello, George.”

M:  ”It’s Giorgio.”

O:  ”Hello Giorgio.  Is there really an emergency at City Hall?”

M:  ”Yes!  Would we lie to you?”

O:  ”George, if I get one honest statement from you guys, I’ll consider the call a success and hang up.  Now, is the mayor there?”

M:  ”No.”

O:  ”No?!  Where did he go?!”

M:  ”He’s out to lunch.”

-  End of Transcript.  -

Just in case it’s not obvious, I’d like to point out that this article and all articles on this site are intended as satire.  All articles are fiction and fake news.