“They looked ready to paint some graffiti!”

  Rob Ford called in the cops yesterday to escort a camera crew from the CBC away from his home.  ”I was very frightened” said the mayor.  ”My whole family was.  You never know what these public broadcasters are capable of.  Some of them ask questions.  Difficult questions!”

  That was an unlikely outcome yesterday as the crew and ‘reporters’ in attendance were from the parody news show ’22 Minutes’, but the mayor said he wasn’t taking any chances.  ”They were asking me about something called ‘Movember’” he explained, “but we have a rule in my house.  If strangers come to the door looking for something, we dial 9 and 1, then we wait.  As soon as we hear the word ‘charity’ or ‘fundraising’ we dial the other 1.  It’s something I recommend all families do.”

  Police Chief Bill Blair apparently disagrees with the mayor’s advice.  ”The last thing the police force needs is to be spending every day escorting Jehovah’s witnesses away from people’s doors.  We’d need to set up some sort of Watchtower.  We’re busy enough with all the emergency graffiti calls.” Questioned further about what people should actually do, the police released the following guidelines:

  If you find a fake news crew from a public broadcaster at your door it’s important to remain calm.  At some point a person with a microphone will run up to you and starting asking questions.  The questions may seem silly.  Keep your answers short and to the point.  Whatever you do, do not try to be funny.  The ‘reporter’ will see this as a challenge and start asking more pointed and personal questions, trying to ridicule you and ‘push your buttons’ to get a response.  If you smile good-naturedly it will all be over before you know it.

  The Chief also requested that the CBC stop ‘bullying the mayor’.  ”It took us hours to calm him down and we had to buy him an ice-cream, even though he knows that’s a ‘once-in-a-while’ food.”

Just in case it’s not obvious, I’d like to point out that this article and all articles on this site are intended as satire.  All articles are fiction and fake news