“I am on a drug.  It’s called Rob Ford.”

  Concerns about the mental health of the mayor have reached new heights after a series of bizarre interviews following the Ontario election.  The mayor has told reporters that a Liberal minority is great news for Toronto residents.  ”This is exactly the result I wanted” insisted the mayor.  ”Toronto is winning, Ontario is winning.  Rob Ford?  Duh!  Winning!”  Indeed, that seems to be his response to most of the questions he’s been asked in recent days.  When one reporter inquired about his cell phone use while driving he would only say that he was winning.  He did, however, offer a different explanation for why he was riding the subway a couple of weeks ago – “It’s because I got tiger blood, man!”  Adrienne Batra, the mayor’s press secretary and recently named ‘goddess’, would only say that the mayor “is tired of pretending he’s not a total bitchin’ rock star from Etobicoke.”

  Not everyone at City Hall agrees with that assessment, however.  ”Personally, I think he’s lost it” said Councillor Karen Stintz.  ”The election didn’t turn out the way he wanted and now the Prime Minister and Tim Hudak won’t talk to him.  He insists that everyone just refer to them as ‘trolls’.”  Even people who used to be very close to the mayor have expressed concerns about his behaviour.  ”Ms. Batra is just enabling him,” said Councillor Michael Thompson, “and Mammoliti too.”  Mr. Mammoliti has proposed that the city replace their ‘Welcome To Toronto’ signs with signs that read ‘Welcome To Toronto, Population – 2.6 Million Plus One Bitchin’ Warlock’.

Just in case it’s not obvious, I’d like to point out that this article and all articles on this site are intended as satire.  All articles are fiction and fake news.