“You think you hate me?  I have to live with myself.”

  Quickly running out of people to attack, Don Cherry surprised many yesterday by turning on himself.  ”I’m certainly a sorry excuse for a human being” he admitted.  ”What kind of person calls NHL enforcers ‘turncoats’ for talking about their problems with addictions?  That’s like insulting a coal miner for blaming his lung cancer on his job.  Let’s be honest, I was a mediocre player, a mediocre coach and now I’m a right wing blow hard who offers opinions on things even if I have no idea what I’m talking about.  I’m a puke.”

  If he was hoping people might contradict him though, he was disappointed.  Chris Nilan, one of the ex-players that Mr. Cherry branded a ‘hypocrite’, completely agreed with him.  ”While we might have had our disagreements in the past, I’m behind Don all the way on this one.  He really hit the nail on the head.”  Stu Grimson also agreed with him, adding “Don’s mutterings are kind of akin to that of an old uncle that nobody takes seriously anymore.”  Mr. Cherry seemed to be hurt by Nilan’s comments but admitted he wasn’t surprised by Grimson’s reaction.  ”Stu was a left-winger, so I’m not surprised he hates me.  Chris was a right-winger, but I know that after some games he liked to ride an exercise bike… like some kind of pinko communist.”

  Though the situation may seem unusual to some, Ron MacLean says he wasn’t surprised by the statements.  ”It’s really a natural progression” he told reporters.  ”After attacking NHL enforcers there was really no other place left to go.  Unless he starts attacking combat veterans and school children, I suppose” and a worried look appeared on his face.  Asked if the CBC might reinstate the 7 second delay on Coach’s Corner if something like that happened, Mr. MacLean admitted “If something like that happens they’ll kill the segment so fast it’ll be known as the ‘Coach’s Coroner’.”  Having made his trademark pun, Mr. MacLean refused to answer anymore questions.

Just in case it’s not obvious, I’d like to point out that this article and all articles on this site are intended as satire.  All articles are fiction and fake news.