“I think there’s been a misunderstanding.”
It didn’t take long for Mr. McGuinty to be attacked by the opposition after winning his third straight provincial election. After giving his victory speech, he was heard muttering to one of his aides “God, I really hate minorities. They don’t work, and there’s always a ton of complaining. I don’t know how we’re going to get anything done with a minority.” Mr. Hudak was the first to respond to the statements, saying “Foreigners are a pain in the ass too, don’t forget them!” Andrea Horwath was willing to give the Premier the benefit of the doubt, however she did add “Considering his refusal to work with other parties, I’m not sure he’s aware that he has a minority government anyway.”
Mr. McGuinty wasn’t the only one disappointed with the night’s results, though. Tim Hudak told reporters that he was appalled by the low voter turnout. “I even called (former Conservative Premier) Bill Davis at one point, but he told me he was busy watching the hockey game.” Mr. Davis was unapologetic however, saying “I got to see the Leafs win a game. I’m glad I didn’t vote.” It was a sentiment apparently shared by many Leaf fans across Ontario.
However, Mr. Hudak warned overzealous hockey fans that there will be consequences for not voting. ”It’s time to make room on your fridge for your kid’s ‘gender-bending fairy tales’” he said, apparently referring to concerns about early education that he had brought up late in his campaign. “I’m picturing titles like ’Beauty And The Beauty’, ‘Jack And The Very Attractive Beanstalk’, and ’Puss in Puss’.” Mr. McGuinty, however, said that the guidelines are no laughing matter, and suggested that Mr. Hudak read a heartwrenching story written by a young conservative-minded boy who couldn’t understand why his father got a sex change, called ‘Rapunzel, Rapunzel, let down his heir.’
Just in case it’s not obvious, I’d like to point out that this article and all articles on this site are intended as satire. All articles are fiction and fake news.