“Seriously, look at them.  They can find their own food.”

  America’s relentless pursuit to build a cage around themselves might affect the Canadian border next as the States has proposed building a fence between the two countries.  Some Canadian officials reacted with anger and frustration, but the Prime Minister announced that Canada would be looking into ways we could work with the Americans.  ”I’m glad that Canada has come around” said David Jacobson, the United States Ambassador to Canada, “we’re really looking to protect the citizens of both countries.”

  In addition to the signs that read ‘Please Don’t Feed The Americans’ Mr. Jacobson noted that a list of additional rules would also be put up at the border.  ”We want to make sure that when you see an American you don’t approach them.  Americans have only one natural enemy,” he noted in a grave voice, “foreigners…”  After pausing for dramatic effect, the ambassador continued, “and if they’re around foreigners too much they lose their fear of them.  You might think you’re being nice but, in the long run, you’re really doing more harm than good.  Also, if you see an American baby, do not pick it up.  The mother might not take it back.”

  When some opposition members wondered aloud if the United States might be overreacting, Mr. Harper came to their defence.  ”Some people would have you believe that they’re ‘caging themselves in’.  Just to clarify, it’s more like a gated community.”  Mr. Jacobson was quick to agree with the Prime Minister.  ”In fact,” he added, “we’re looking into officially changing our name to ‘The Gated Community of The United States of America’” he said to chants of ‘TGCUSA, TGCUSA’ from supporters.

  When reporters asked the ambassador about the possibility of a fence between Canada and Alaska as well, he dismissed the idea.  ”We don’t think that’s feasible,” he said, “but we’re looking into moving the state.”  Asked if America might just abandon Alaska he reacted with shock.  ”Lord, no!” he exclaimed.  ”There’s oil up there.”

Just in case it’s not obvious, I’d like to point out that this article and all articles on this site are intended as satire.  All articles are fiction and fake news.